Every family has one. Olympus had them all.
The illustrated paperback of the gods' family dramas. Read it before Christmas, and you'll see every seat coming.
The golden child, the one who fixes everything, the one who says it out loud. The Greek gods had all of them first, and did it louder. You'll recognize every family drama you know, 3,000 years earlier: familiar, a little smaller, and a lot funnier.
They drew me fat. Everything else is accurate, which is worse.
The one everyone orbits, Chapters 3 to 5
Kronos swallowed five of his own children.
He had been told a son would take his throne, so every baby went straight down. The sixth time, their mother wrapped a stone in a baby blanket and handed him that instead. He swallowed it. The baby was Zeus.
It's in chapter 2, drawn scene by scene.
You already know how it goes. You could write the script: the same seat taken, the same fight after dessert, the same drive home replaying it. Every Christmas it takes the one evening you wanted to enjoy.
- The golden child walks in late, and somebody gets up to pour his drink.
- The old argument comes back, word for word, right after the turkey.
- Someone takes the best seat, and nobody says why.
- One message in capitals, and the group chat goes quiet until New Year.
And every year it lands like the first time, because from the inside nobody else seems to have a family like yours. It isn't you. You're sitting too close to see it. The Greeks wrote the whole thing down 3,000 years ago: the same seats, the same fights, worse table manners.
One family, one tree, fifteen dramas. You meet the whole cast on page 2 before the first story starts, so every chapter lands on someone you already know.
- Meet the whole family on page 2: one tree, every god with a face.
- Find each seat: the golden child, the fixer, the hothead, the one who keeps the peace.
- Watch their drama play out in drawn scenes, straight from the ancient sources.
- Then see the same scene at a family table today.
- Write in your own: two lines at the end of every chapter.
By the last chapter you know every seat on Olympus. At the next family dinner, you'll recognize every one of them.
Three thousand years later, same dinner.
Every chapter puts the myth next to a family today. Four of the ninety:
- Zeus filled the golden cup for Apollo himself. He walks in late and everybody stands up. Dad pours his drink.
- Zeus promised Persephone to Hades and never told her mother. The date was set before the bride's mother heard there was a groom.
- Ares screamed as loud as ten thousand men. One message in capitals, and the family group chat goes quiet.
- Hera threw him off Olympus the day he was born. Mom cropped him out of the family photo.
Hermes stole his big brother's cattle the day he was born.
He drove fifty cows backwards so the hoofprints pointed the wrong way, then climbed back into his cradle. Apollo dragged him to their father for a trial. Hermes talked his way out and left with a job.
It's in chapter 11, drawn scene by scene.
You've known these names your whole life. Now you'll know the family.
Zeus, Hera, Apollo, Hades. Everyone knows the names. Ask who is whose mother and the room goes quiet. The classics read like homework, the retellings rewrite the story, and the family trees online are arrows without a single drama attached.
Here the family comes first: the tree on page 2, the map on page 3, every god with a face and a Roman name, and every story from the ancient source named at the foot of its page.
Hera
Queen of Olympus, Chapters 5 and 6
Seven dramas you'll want to read out loud at dinner.
- The wedding everyone said would never last. It lasted forever, which is not quite the same as working (chapter 5).
- The golden child's first words, and why everyone stands up when he walks in (chapter 7).
- The son his own mother threw off Olympus, and the second time, when his father did it (chapter 8).
- The one who says it out loud, as loud as ten thousand men (chapter 9).
- The only headache in the book, and who stepped out of it fully armed (chapter 4).
- The wedding date set before the bride's mother heard there was a groom, and the year nothing grew on earth (chapter 13).
- The cousin who took their side at dinner and paid for it every morning, for a very long time (chapter 14).
One for you, one for whoever is clearly the Hera.
The sibling who sat through every holiday with you gets every joke. The 2-book pack ships together, free. For Christmas, order by Nov 27.
For the one at the table who sees it coming.
Not for you if
- You want a novel with one hero and a love story
- You need a scholarly translation with footnotes
- You are looking for advice about your family
For you if
- Someone at your table is clearly a Zeus
- You love a family drama, as long as it isn't at your table
- You always meant to learn the myths and never knew where to start
- You want the real stories, sources and all
The Greek Family Drama
Just released
The first print run is shipping now. Printed for you and sent free.
Everything in one illustrated paperback:
- 15 family dramas, one per chapter, each beside the same scene at a family table today
- The family tree on page 2 and the map of their world on page 3
- Hundreds of original illustrations, drawn for this book
- Every story from the ancient sources, named on the page
- The "Which one are you?" quiz on pages 94 and 95, plus a code for more quizzes online
- 96 full-color pages, 8.5 x 11 in, free shipping
You will be redirected to the Checkout page where you can pay with:
PayPal, Apple Pay, Google Pay, Visa, Mastercard, American Express
The 30-Day Family Dinner Guarantee
Read it before Christmas. If you haven't spotted your family's Zeus by chapter 3, or it simply isn't for you, write to us within 30 days and we refund your payment. One email is all it takes.
Questions before you order
1.Is it for adults or for kids?
Written for adults. The myths are told the way the ancient sources tell them, fights and all, with a dry, comic face, and the family pages are about grown-up family life. The pictures suit older kids who love myths; have a look first.
2.Do I need to know any Greek mythology?
No. Start at the family tree on page 2 and read in order. Every god is introduced on their own page, with their Roman name.
3.Is it accurate?
Every story comes from an ancient source, named at the foot of its page: Hesiod, Homer, the Homeric Hymns, Ovid and others. Where the sources disagree, the book tells you both versions.
4.Is it a self-help book?
No. It names family situations everyone recognizes and lets you laugh at them. There is no advice and no therapy talk.
5.What exactly do I get?
A full-color paperback, 8.5 x 11 inches, 96 pages: 15 chapters, the family tree, the map and the quiz. The 2 and 4 book packs ship together.
6.How long does shipping take?
Each copy is printed for you within 2 to 6 business days, then shipped free. Delivery in the US takes 4 to 13 business days. For Christmas, order by Nov 27.
7.What if it isn't for me?
Every copy comes with our 30-day money-back guarantee. Write to us within 30 days and we refund your payment.
8.Is there a quiz in the book?
Yes: "Which one are you?", six questions on pages 94 and 95 that end with your seat at the table. A code on page 95 opens more quizzes online.
Same family. This year, you've read the original.
Two ways into the holidays. Walk in the way you always do and let the old script run. Or walk in having met the golden child, the fixer and the hothead on Olympus first, and watch your own table play the rerun.
15 family dramas, the whole family tree, hundreds of original illustrations. Free shipping, and 30 days to decide it was worth it.
P.S. Christmas dinner is coming either way. The golden child will walk in late, the old argument will start on cue, and this year you'll be the one who already knows how it ends. Order by Nov 27 and it's under the tree, shipped free. And if you haven't spotted your family's Zeus by chapter 3, one email gets your money back.